Astray

(mmm, I know... I know...)

Astray

Obscured footsteps,

mislaid laughter.

Wandering wayward without.

Lavish consumption,

bereaved wishes.

Feeble forgotten folly.

Blurred direction,

hidden tears.

Astray absorbed abstraction.

Adumbrate

Finally got rid of those pesky crushes! Merci Dieu!

Adumbrate

Camouflaged in abstruse…
you cannot see the ensconced slivers.
Ambiguously fragmented,
tucked away in shrouds of obscurity.
Locked up lying low,
you don’t ever need to know.
Furtively defective, but
disguising the marred dull spots.
Stifling the cracks and
harboring poorly disguised mutilations,
you try to peek through the curtain
straining to see how I’m mangled behind this veil.
Riven… fractured… hidden enigmatically,
it is all suppressed, reticent.
Smiling facades.

Crushes

Anytime I have a crush it irritates me beyond belief. I honestly loathe this state of being so having three crushes just annoys me to no end. I was trying to write about the stupidity I feel regarding aforementioned inanity but I wrote this so late at night that I don't have any idea if it makes much sense.

Quelling Crushes
I am an imbecile,
Self scurrilous due to my
Possibly pusillanimous nature.
I regain my deadpan, nigh dudgeon, and
Based on principle, deny the plangency
--pulse--
You cannot inveigle my usufruct,
The mere idea of taction is
torrefying (somatic)
And I slip into imbroglio –
Preposterous tardiloquous…
You seem ignorant of my deviations,
remain steadfast and sapient,
everything uniformly in its place.
Despite my incommodious lifestyle,
I find myself the ullage, unable to be the desideratum,
I leave you wanting.
Uneath and trustful, but I will never let you know.

Sometimes I like Rhymes

(get it? get it? "sometimes" rhymes with "rhymes". I'm so clever I know...)

Independent
I assert that life is hurt(ing).
I’m alone but I don’t bemoan this fate,
I brought it to my own plate.
Independent no defendant I stand up
For what I believe and unfortunately…
Believing is leaving is grieving.
I know you misconceive what I perceive to be true.
What is truth? Even the best sleuth cannot find –
Shhhh. Don’t talk about it.

Clever

Yep...

Clever
She pulls at the frills on her dress,
wondering when he’ll come.
Raindrops pelt the window –
she looks through them.
What is this emotional trickery?
She refuses to beg for this,
chasing sugar to no avail.
Costumed in her nonchalance,
she is so clever…
He’ll never know.
She pulls at the frills on her dress,
and cries silently behind the drapes.

Extirpation of my Guise

This happened once... right before the person left. I doubt he'll ever read it, so I'm not that concerned about it sucking ;)

Extirpation of my Guise
You bury your face in my right shoulder,
the second hand ticks, but fails to tock…
time has stopped for us.
With this one gesture,
you have completely devastated my façade…
I surrender.
Rest my head against your chest,
thinking about absolutely nothing –
a feat never before possible.

Who's to say

Writin' during lunch break -- what what?

Who's to say...

Who’s to say…
what family means?
Bound by blood, bound by heart.
Who’s to say…
where I am to place my affections?
Emotions are not subject to rules and regulations.
Who’s to say…
how I express my fervor and ardour?
Paper thin greetings cards and empty sentiments.
Who’s to say…
who I love?
What is love?

I had a title for this just a second ago...

And now I can't remember. This is why I shouldn't write in my head while I'm trying to go to sleep. --
Addendum 27 June: oh now I remember...

A Lot Goes Unsaid

I meet you at the gate,
converse over the fence.
You drum your fingers on the latch,
I smile and bid you farewell.
Go back in the house – days pass.
I see you go by the gate,
run outside and you just wave.
I drum my fingers on the fence,
stare into the distance and pretend.
Go back in the house – weeks pass.
You slip through the gate,
pull me into you.
Our fingers cannot pull us closer,
the world melts around us.
Run back in the house – you are gone.

Mendacious

I know, it's been a really long time. So I'm just getting back in the groove... I'm rusty, try not to be overly judgmental.

Mendacious

Oh what a tangled web we weave-

it’s not so much a lie just…

distortion.

Meticulous and careful these forgeries;

what’s in a lie? Deceit by any other name.

I present to you this fabrication of self, and

my guile is so precise.

Every façade a mirror, reflected in a pool,

reality is long lost.

Mendacious cunning so entirely complete,

even I am now a believer of my deception.

Saying Goodbye

(I was humming a tune I made up and started putting words to it. I seem to be in a song mood lately???)

Saying Goodbye

You always want what you can’t have…
Just brush me off without a thought.
Trust me honey, there is no wrath,
Maybe just a nagging sense of loss.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Can’t let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Learn to say no.

If you didn’t know I was going to leave…
If you didn’t know that we'd be apart…
Don’t do that, don’t try to please me,
I’ve already seen what’s on your heart.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
It’s time to let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
I can say no.

Maybe you’ll find, some time from now,
You should’ve said now, what you’ll know then.
But as it stands, you don’t seem to know how,
To make the leap, or simply be friends.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
I have let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Darling… no.

Red

Red is a colour... Bittersweet is a colour... No actually I just needed to shake of some stress before I can sleep so I wrote this nonsense:

Red

Just hold on to me,
don’t let go.
The touch of your hands,
I breathe you in.
Brush my lips by your hair,
exhilaration and torment.
Push you away only
to pull you back.
Just hold onto me,
don’t let go.
Muscles tense,
your breath on my neck.
Mind shattering agony,
too invasive to
shrug away.
Just hold onto me,
don’t let go.

Bittersweet

This is like song format, but it's not a song because I am not a musician. So there.

Bittersweet

It’s been so long since I’ve seen you
I wasn’t expecting to feel so high…
Rushes of emotion hit anew.
And I just stare into your eyes.
You’re a vision to behold,
Still touch me with your magic…
But can’t escape this pressing cold.
Our story so tragic.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

I will never stop loving you,
Whatever may occur,
It will always be true,
It’s not something I can deter.
We’re crushed together by the dark,
Falling into a blinding mist.
And then it’s there – our spark,
Simplicity in your kiss.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

Not incomplete,
Just bittersweet.
No deceit,
Only bittersweet.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

Dissipate

(2 months... well, it's been worse before. Here's some lousy crap I wrote! Yay!)

Dissipate

I did not mean to make you

into something you are not.

Imagined improvements projected,

forced dematerialisation of truth.

It was unfair;

an abuse you suffered unknowingly...

As I formed you into an ideal,

falsely diminishing your inconvenient traits.

But my edification came in due time,

impossible to dismiss your ineptitudes,

pretending no longer...

Demolition. End.

I supposed there would be torment

once the picture shattered.

But there is only silence,

serenity more than torpor.

Still, I steal glances, wondering why

the absence of amity.

Yet I feel only peace.

Everything dissipates.

More vomit

IDK why I can't stop rhyming. Don't ask. Something good will appear here in this blog... EVENTUALLY???

Alone

Don’t postpone the unknown…
Better to atone right now.
In the zone my little drone,
oh I’m sorry, are you prone
to throw stones?
Your cover’s blown,
this glass house… postpone
your outrage you know I’m
right as rain … homegrown.
Shown and well known, no hiding.
I don’t condone your tone
of voice. Overblown and
unbeknownst… I cry. Bemoan
these tears goddamn!
I’ve outgrown this charade,
disown and dethrone you…
I’m on my own,
self-inflicted… alone.

Brain Vomit

Okay so first of all, sorry about the new layout/background/whatever, I got bored and I don't think I care much for this, but it'll do for now because I need to pack!!! Second, here is some serious word vomit. I, uhm, yeah I have no idea. Seriously, just vomited from my brain onto my word doc... it's reallllllly bad, but I feel like I need to post at least weekly or it'll end up being another month break or something. So here you go!

Plain Jane

Abstain from the pain;
oh plain Jane -
block the main shower of
your acid rain. I attain
a vein of pleasure from…
Insane … try to ascertain,
to explain, your disdain.
Wax and wane…
I entertain my main
idea- you are the bane..
my existence… strain to
contain this addiction to you,
and to remain inside my refrain.
Feign strong and obtain
calm away from this cocaine –
a chain draining.
Instead I retain, the
sustaining of pain.

Words Words Words

Yep... yehhhhp...

Words Words Words

Door slams and heart breaks…
walking away from you is the hardest
thing I must do.
Bitter agony tears at me,
heartsick is an understatement.
I’m trying to explain it to you.
Words falling everywhere, piling…
banks of descriptive nouns in the corner;
grief, remorse, affliction, desolation
swirl softly at your feet.
Kick at them trying to understand.
Love drifts by your shoulder,
trying to sweep upward towards your lips.
Bittersweet and kiss beat it down,
love falls… falls… runs away to hide.
Tears run backwards up my cheeks,
conceal themselves in my eyes.
“Get out, all of you!” –
they race out; the room a void.
For the first time,
words are inadequate.

The Scrap of Paper

I guess this is more descriptive prose than poetry... Sometimes that line blurs for me. =/ But anyway, here you go!

The Scrap of Paper

A scrap of paper blowing down the street,
she catches it in her mitten.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[you?]
Dismay, a lost love note!
Glancing up and down the abandoned street.
Hesitate.
The wind rips the paper away to tumble around the corner.
He steps on the scrap with his shoe.
Damn people littering, he mutters and stoops for it.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[another?]
He snorts, a break up letter;
crumples it up and tosses it vaguely at the dumpster.
It misses and rolls down the avenue,
stops at dirty bare feet.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[?]
“Look Mama, a letter!”
She reads it and sighs,
love and loss, seemingly inextricable.
She tosses it to the wind for fate and wipes a silent tear.

THREE??? NO WAY! YES WAY!

Mmmkay so a billion years (by which I mean about a month) ago, I asked people on Facebook for words. Here are the results. The first is courtesy: Casey, Jimmy, Sarah, Colin, Brent, Laurel, Rachel, and Seth. The second is courtesy: Rich, Mary Pat, Allison, and Seth. The first two are regarding the same situation from different frames of mind. Kinda weird? The third was Bob's word "home" and it got its whole, entire, own freaking poem. It is about a question I think everyone asks, but I am asking it more with Navy stuff going on. The last one even has structure... CRAZY! I think that is all for now. Per usual, I think they are terrible! Yay?

Get a Mirror, Honey
Jingle jingle my little belle,
it's nigh inconceivable-
your pusillanimous act!
You prove a near malevolent flibbertigibbet;
only you, my take-it-easy little failure.
So sincere until you... just...
fall apart at your pedantic seams.
Me 'scusi O Serendipity, but
you can leave this one.
She deserves nothing.

Tired of You
Your bulbous bouffant of an ego is
clashing with my tempestuous moods.
Your acclaimed prowess only serves
to fuel the flame of mockery.
You pause, trying to gauge a reaction -
UM.
I mean it facetiously.

Home
Tulips by the front porch, baking smells waft through the window.
Down the block a lawn mower stalls, starts... a baby laughs.
...
Cigarette butts line the stoop, the odour of garbage permeates all.
Midnight gunfire - no screams, back to bed... a man yells in Spanish.
...
A doorman holds the lobby door, the scent of expensive perfume is intoxicating.
Music drifts in from the balcony, song change... champagne flutes clink.
...
...
A bed awaits me patiently,
welcomes me home from my nights of revelries.
I sit in the tub with the shower on and wonder,
Where is home?

Tempestuous

I wanted it to be longer... like, between "I shiver" and "Looking out" I left several blank lines on the page. But... maybe a different time. I want to get this up to get the ball rolling on my writing again. Maybe I'll come back to it... Haha, if I had a dollar for every time I said that on a poem, I'd probably have as many dollars as poems.

Tempestuous
I try to explain the taste of kissing, but
my words fall on deaf ears and shatter at your feet.
I sought shelter in this desert of despair...
You were a mirage -- there is no oasis.
My broken umbrella provides no protection,
drenched in giant's tears I shiver.
Looking out over the barren landscape,
I stand alone on this windswept crag.

You've felt it...

This one I actually wanted to be this discordant because, you know, if you've felt it... it's pretty jarring. And if you haven't felt it, I'm sorry. The jarring incredible good pain... AH! Yeah.


Electric…

Your touch,
jump start my heart.
Dynamic charges sweep
my being – stirring.
Violent chords arrest
my pulse soars.
Contradictions flood
the drought…
Your hand delivers
icy fire.
The burn so intense…
frozen by the heat.
Overwhelming fervor,
seeking sweet release.
Don’t stop.