Sparkling Reticence

(words words words.  Sorry it's not happier for the holidays and such...) 

Sparkling reticence

They act as though

my nonplussed speech slakes enthusiasm,

but truly my pontifications remain adiaphorous,

while their manner is a stinging fracas.

I recoil from the pain and

attempt to elucidate something – anything – else

besides my need for relief from the sharpness.

Sudden jokes and a constant whirl of whinge –

judging, leering, prying;

a dull effervescence in which I do not take part.

Shut my eyes, the tinny nebula presses in,

I am suffocating – haunted by yesterdays. 

Journeying

I am so not pleased with how this ends. I just... don't like it..
The Journey
Stand at the bottom of the staircase,
No banister – tiptoe up trying not to make a sound.
Exhale at the top sounds like a hurricane; breath catches.
Standing at the bridgehead,
No railings – sneak across, don’t look down.
Collapse at the other side; making this journey alone.
Look up at the snowy peak.
No sherpa – scale this rocky face, heart pounds.
Behold, consider this journey; these accomplishments.
Trust or solitude? Questions remain unanswered.

Talking in Circles

Sometimes you just can't tell someone how much they mean to you. In addition to living in a society that is not frank with emotions, I have my PhD in Fear of Rejection.


Talking in Circles

Another conversation – we talk.
I tell you so many things,
inside myself, while
little is said aloud.
Smiling, I reach out to touch your arm,
a simple gesture,
devoid of ulterior motive, but
I miss.
My hand rests on your side and
the disquietude inside me –
nauseating waves.
But I remain steadfast,
nigh drowning in hidden consternation.
Blinded by this clashing of
trepidation and desire,
I can’t tell if you figured it out.
A hug goodbye bordering on aggressive,
alone again – no relief from the
apprehensive proclivity to you.

Pulling tails of Cheshire cats

Yep...

Pulling tails of Cheshire cats

Grasping at sand and clinging to shadows,
living in a dream.
Wishing and hoping on stars that
have already died.
Living in a ghost town, deserted but
still wait at the window.
Wrapped up in bed, knowing
sleep will never come.
[shadow, mist, hallucination]
A dawning sense of clarity.
Let go of hopes and dreams,
set them free.
This grey is life – it is time to stop
pulling tails of Cheshire cats.

Caress

(I can't decide if the last line should be more specific? "still searching for the right embrace" ???)

Caress

Enveloped in a cloud...
lean back -- anticipating soft.
Falling through cold, damp --
chills from brushing through the mist.
Wrapped in a blanket... snuggle down -- expecting warmth.
Struggling for air, smothered --
stifled in this entrapment.
Relaxed under the sun...
float on the water -- awaiting warmth.
Sinking in the dark, cold --
drowned in disorientation.
Still searching...