Mendacious

I know, it's been a really long time. So I'm just getting back in the groove... I'm rusty, try not to be overly judgmental.

Mendacious

Oh what a tangled web we weave-

it’s not so much a lie just…

distortion.

Meticulous and careful these forgeries;

what’s in a lie? Deceit by any other name.

I present to you this fabrication of self, and

my guile is so precise.

Every façade a mirror, reflected in a pool,

reality is long lost.

Mendacious cunning so entirely complete,

even I am now a believer of my deception.

Saying Goodbye

(I was humming a tune I made up and started putting words to it. I seem to be in a song mood lately???)

Saying Goodbye

You always want what you can’t have…
Just brush me off without a thought.
Trust me honey, there is no wrath,
Maybe just a nagging sense of loss.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Can’t let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Learn to say no.

If you didn’t know I was going to leave…
If you didn’t know that we'd be apart…
Don’t do that, don’t try to please me,
I’ve already seen what’s on your heart.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
It’s time to let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
I can say no.

Maybe you’ll find, some time from now,
You should’ve said now, what you’ll know then.
But as it stands, you don’t seem to know how,
To make the leap, or simply be friends.

Say goodbye, say goodbye,
I have let go.
Say goodbye, say goodbye,
Darling… no.

Red

Red is a colour... Bittersweet is a colour... No actually I just needed to shake of some stress before I can sleep so I wrote this nonsense:

Red

Just hold on to me,
don’t let go.
The touch of your hands,
I breathe you in.
Brush my lips by your hair,
exhilaration and torment.
Push you away only
to pull you back.
Just hold onto me,
don’t let go.
Muscles tense,
your breath on my neck.
Mind shattering agony,
too invasive to
shrug away.
Just hold onto me,
don’t let go.

Bittersweet

This is like song format, but it's not a song because I am not a musician. So there.

Bittersweet

It’s been so long since I’ve seen you
I wasn’t expecting to feel so high…
Rushes of emotion hit anew.
And I just stare into your eyes.
You’re a vision to behold,
Still touch me with your magic…
But can’t escape this pressing cold.
Our story so tragic.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

I will never stop loving you,
Whatever may occur,
It will always be true,
It’s not something I can deter.
We’re crushed together by the dark,
Falling into a blinding mist.
And then it’s there – our spark,
Simplicity in your kiss.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

Not incomplete,
Just bittersweet.
No deceit,
Only bittersweet.

I admit my heart’s defeat,
Burning so bittersweet.
Overwhelmingly replete,
Burning so bittersweet.

Dissipate

(2 months... well, it's been worse before. Here's some lousy crap I wrote! Yay!)

Dissipate

I did not mean to make you

into something you are not.

Imagined improvements projected,

forced dematerialisation of truth.

It was unfair;

an abuse you suffered unknowingly...

As I formed you into an ideal,

falsely diminishing your inconvenient traits.

But my edification came in due time,

impossible to dismiss your ineptitudes,

pretending no longer...

Demolition. End.

I supposed there would be torment

once the picture shattered.

But there is only silence,

serenity more than torpor.

Still, I steal glances, wondering why

the absence of amity.

Yet I feel only peace.

Everything dissipates.

More vomit

IDK why I can't stop rhyming. Don't ask. Something good will appear here in this blog... EVENTUALLY???

Alone

Don’t postpone the unknown…
Better to atone right now.
In the zone my little drone,
oh I’m sorry, are you prone
to throw stones?
Your cover’s blown,
this glass house… postpone
your outrage you know I’m
right as rain … homegrown.
Shown and well known, no hiding.
I don’t condone your tone
of voice. Overblown and
unbeknownst… I cry. Bemoan
these tears goddamn!
I’ve outgrown this charade,
disown and dethrone you…
I’m on my own,
self-inflicted… alone.

Brain Vomit

Okay so first of all, sorry about the new layout/background/whatever, I got bored and I don't think I care much for this, but it'll do for now because I need to pack!!! Second, here is some serious word vomit. I, uhm, yeah I have no idea. Seriously, just vomited from my brain onto my word doc... it's reallllllly bad, but I feel like I need to post at least weekly or it'll end up being another month break or something. So here you go!

Plain Jane

Abstain from the pain;
oh plain Jane -
block the main shower of
your acid rain. I attain
a vein of pleasure from…
Insane … try to ascertain,
to explain, your disdain.
Wax and wane…
I entertain my main
idea- you are the bane..
my existence… strain to
contain this addiction to you,
and to remain inside my refrain.
Feign strong and obtain
calm away from this cocaine –
a chain draining.
Instead I retain, the
sustaining of pain.

Words Words Words

Yep... yehhhhp...

Words Words Words

Door slams and heart breaks…
walking away from you is the hardest
thing I must do.
Bitter agony tears at me,
heartsick is an understatement.
I’m trying to explain it to you.
Words falling everywhere, piling…
banks of descriptive nouns in the corner;
grief, remorse, affliction, desolation
swirl softly at your feet.
Kick at them trying to understand.
Love drifts by your shoulder,
trying to sweep upward towards your lips.
Bittersweet and kiss beat it down,
love falls… falls… runs away to hide.
Tears run backwards up my cheeks,
conceal themselves in my eyes.
“Get out, all of you!” –
they race out; the room a void.
For the first time,
words are inadequate.

The Scrap of Paper

I guess this is more descriptive prose than poetry... Sometimes that line blurs for me. =/ But anyway, here you go!

The Scrap of Paper

A scrap of paper blowing down the street,
she catches it in her mitten.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[you?]
Dismay, a lost love note!
Glancing up and down the abandoned street.
Hesitate.
The wind rips the paper away to tumble around the corner.
He steps on the scrap with his shoe.
Damn people littering, he mutters and stoops for it.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[another?]
He snorts, a break up letter;
crumples it up and tosses it vaguely at the dumpster.
It misses and rolls down the avenue,
stops at dirty bare feet.
“Dear Victoria, I love-”
[?]
“Look Mama, a letter!”
She reads it and sighs,
love and loss, seemingly inextricable.
She tosses it to the wind for fate and wipes a silent tear.

THREE??? NO WAY! YES WAY!

Mmmkay so a billion years (by which I mean about a month) ago, I asked people on Facebook for words. Here are the results. The first is courtesy: Casey, Jimmy, Sarah, Colin, Brent, Laurel, Rachel, and Seth. The second is courtesy: Rich, Mary Pat, Allison, and Seth. The first two are regarding the same situation from different frames of mind. Kinda weird? The third was Bob's word "home" and it got its whole, entire, own freaking poem. It is about a question I think everyone asks, but I am asking it more with Navy stuff going on. The last one even has structure... CRAZY! I think that is all for now. Per usual, I think they are terrible! Yay?

Get a Mirror, Honey
Jingle jingle my little belle,
it's nigh inconceivable-
your pusillanimous act!
You prove a near malevolent flibbertigibbet;
only you, my take-it-easy little failure.
So sincere until you... just...
fall apart at your pedantic seams.
Me 'scusi O Serendipity, but
you can leave this one.
She deserves nothing.

Tired of You
Your bulbous bouffant of an ego is
clashing with my tempestuous moods.
Your acclaimed prowess only serves
to fuel the flame of mockery.
You pause, trying to gauge a reaction -
UM.
I mean it facetiously.

Home
Tulips by the front porch, baking smells waft through the window.
Down the block a lawn mower stalls, starts... a baby laughs.
...
Cigarette butts line the stoop, the odour of garbage permeates all.
Midnight gunfire - no screams, back to bed... a man yells in Spanish.
...
A doorman holds the lobby door, the scent of expensive perfume is intoxicating.
Music drifts in from the balcony, song change... champagne flutes clink.
...
...
A bed awaits me patiently,
welcomes me home from my nights of revelries.
I sit in the tub with the shower on and wonder,
Where is home?

Tempestuous

I wanted it to be longer... like, between "I shiver" and "Looking out" I left several blank lines on the page. But... maybe a different time. I want to get this up to get the ball rolling on my writing again. Maybe I'll come back to it... Haha, if I had a dollar for every time I said that on a poem, I'd probably have as many dollars as poems.

Tempestuous
I try to explain the taste of kissing, but
my words fall on deaf ears and shatter at your feet.
I sought shelter in this desert of despair...
You were a mirage -- there is no oasis.
My broken umbrella provides no protection,
drenched in giant's tears I shiver.
Looking out over the barren landscape,
I stand alone on this windswept crag.

You've felt it...

This one I actually wanted to be this discordant because, you know, if you've felt it... it's pretty jarring. And if you haven't felt it, I'm sorry. The jarring incredible good pain... AH! Yeah.


Electric…

Your touch,
jump start my heart.
Dynamic charges sweep
my being – stirring.
Violent chords arrest
my pulse soars.
Contradictions flood
the drought…
Your hand delivers
icy fire.
The burn so intense…
frozen by the heat.
Overwhelming fervor,
seeking sweet release.
Don’t stop.

Behind the Glitter

Two of these lines are not mine. Thank you Cameron and Andrew for letting me use your words. That is one of the greatest gifts =)

Behind the Glitter

You look down... up... sideways,
avert your eyes from me.
A broken champagne flute --
bubbles everywhere.
My chorus girl, my gorgeous girl,
sad eyes burn through your impassive face.
Tangible silence fragile, words superfluous...
I can tell you everything I want with my fingertips.
Wrap you in my arms and
you will know it's okay.
But you turn from my non-words,
shrug and blink away pearlescence.
"It is fine".

2 bad = 1 good?

I decided to not be able to write today apparently, so I'm giving you two of them... quantity for quality LOL.

This first one is called a Diamante poem. 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 1 is pretty obvious but can you guess the rest of the structure? P.S. I suck at structured poems way more than free verse. Oh and I centered it for shape, but... my words in line three are long and my words in line 4 are short, so it doesn't make the diamond shape it should.

Love Lost, Lost Loves

Love
Blissful, beautiful
Adoring, needing, understanding
Hugs, kisses – tears, pain
Weeping, numbing, hiding
Agonizing, excruciating
Loss

This next one is the insanity that lives in my head. This is why you should be glad you are not psychic!

Truth and Lies

How do you do and to what do we owe the pleasure?
Hide a giggle at the formality… lies, lies, lies.
Liar, liar pants afire. See the blaze, let it blind you.
Say it like you mean it, say it ‘til you believe it,
a repeated chorus until it becomes the truth.
Vexatious? Don’t be ridiculous, I am fine!
Focus on the pretty, pretty picture,
ignore the peeling paint, cracks in the canvas.
You sir, speak as absurdly as pickleberries,
I am bleeding pearls and my eyes glitter with diamonds.

This poem is totally about cooking... cough cough

It was going to be longer but uhm, I got distracted. By, y'know, cooking. Ahem...


Cumin and Chili Powder

A dash here… a wild little pinch there
the aroma mingles and caresses.
Cinnamon sparks, teasing, popping…
hot peppers so fiery my eyes water;
this is no time for coherent thought.
Rich and earthy cumin wraps around me,
I tremble as it lingers.
Beads of perspiration cling to my skin,
I can feel them tracing their way down... down...
Focusing, I seek a hint of chili powder.
It is more than a hint and I cry out,
overwhelmed by the tingling sensation of heat.
The kitchen unbearably torrid, I retreat
and imagine the indulgence to come.

I'll write a better one in a bit

I have to go run errands but here's a weird one 'til I can squeeze something halfway decent from my brain. Ew gross, I just got this mental image of someone wringing an actual brain and words falling onto paper like droplets to make a poem. Say it with me now: ewwwwwwww.

Shut It Out

Daisies falling from the sky
land on all the grounded balloons.
Gusts of wind swirl around the glitter confetti
and a double rainbow spans the horizon.
Smells of baking waft across on a gentle breeze,
mingled with the salt spray from the ocean.
A birdsong momentarily drowns out
the gentle piano and cries of laughter.
I shut the window and draw the curtains,
shut it out and sit alone, in the dark.

Superficial vs Deep Felt Hurt

(idk... it sounded better in my head. Oh now are you really surprised I don't think it's that great? But at least I feel better having gotten some semblance on paper. This one might actually be worth editing)

Self Isolation

Busily locking the 16th deadbolt when
you knock. “I am your ally!”
I can barely hear you through the cement door.
“Let me in, I will help you hold the doors shut”.
I ponder this as I nail boards across the door –
tempted, I peer at you through the peephole and
you are so beautiful.
A fleeting thought of squeezing you inside…
my heart drops through the floor and
the walls seem to shrink around me.
Terror-stricken I pound furiously at the nails;
it is better this way, you see.
You are still yelling but I know…
you will give up eventually, and,
though crushed,
I will be safe and secure from the deepest pain;
alone in my emotional Fort Knox.

It's probably ALL WRONG

(haven't spoken French in forever, get over it)

La Neige

La neige…
Tu me massacres et
je saigne.
Mon coeur est
détruit…et quelques fragments
restent dans les flaques.
Mes larmes…
mon sang…
ils tachent
la neige.

Desired... for a little while

Desired... for a little while

Look at the pretty toy!
Shiny and new,
so fresh – captivating.
You obsess, the unfamiliar novelty
consumes your thoughts and dreams.
Such excitement, this is
the now, the au courant.
But you learn, your disenchantment grows.
Your plaything no longer intriguing…
restlessly, you discard it.
Searching for something new while
your devastated bauble decays.
Deterioration accelerates when
you get caught up with a new trifle.
Rejected, your toy fades –
unwanted.

Avoidance

Avoidance

Dodging bullets, deflecting
the violent chords of the violin.
Vague affections dismissed,
I abstain from the true
original sin and abnegate
this void.
Ice.
You instigate disaster,
aggravated by the
desertion of vivid feeling.
Averting my gaze from your outrage,
I am devoid of all –
obviating reaction, but still
you are offended.
Idiopathic insomnia persists,
my own little plague,
but cannot interfere with
emotional destitution.

Self Destruction

Self Detruction, made possible by you


Self belittling, reduced to
resentful ruins.
Obstinacy my onus,
the exodus is mine –
you cannot have it!
You have my bitter benison;
battered and nonexistent…
that is the kicker.
I kneel – negated by
the effective knife.
It is not neglect,
I handed you this opportunity
for better things, raffish fun.
I take no offense,
eradicating kisses.
Empty – my nostrum.